Bitter, Sweet, and a Barfight
by S1L3NTK1LL3RJAY
Summary: SasuNaru AU One-shot: Getting hit on in the bar was usually smoother, but, it wasn't this time. That was okay though, since getting into a competition gave him free liquor, some chocolate, and a good old, relaxing fist fight with some white haired dude. Sounded like a pretty good Christmas, right? Kinda, especially since he DID get a husband out of it, y'know, five years later.


He was only a little drunk.

After two shots of straight vodka, a cup of whisky, and a mix of rum and fireball, even he could admit to being slightly inebriated.

Slumped over the moderately clean bar counter, Naruto was not having a good day. Or had not had a good day, since he thinks it's somewhere around two in the morning.

So yesterday was a very shitty day then.

It had started okay, like any other day. He woke up, showered, ate a small breakfast of toast and milk and went to work. Only, his car wouldn't start and it was snowing like a bitch, and work never cancelled so he had to go lest he be yelled at.

Since all the bus companies cancelled their schedules for the bad weather, Naruto had had no other choice but to walk on the slick sidewalks. As he was cursing his work during the first half of the walk, he had fallen three times so his pants and parts of his jacket were wet and cold.

By the time he had actually gotten to work, his pant legs were sopping wet and his ass was slightly damp. His mood hadn't improved after that.

He got yelled at anyways, both for being late and being in clothes that were 'inappropriate' for work. If Naruto didn't need the job, he would have cursed his boss to hell in back. Thankfully, one of his close friends and co-workers, Gaara, lent him a change of clothes but the only thing is they were a little tight.

Gaara had a thing for tight fitting pants and shirts.

While he had been mildly uncomfortable, the clothes were dry and once his were, he could simply change back into them. That wasn't what happened though.

A couple hours later, Naruto was getting increasingly annoyed. His clothes were apparently the type that shrunk when not dried in specific settings in a drier. Not only that, but in his rush to try and get to work on time he never packed a lunch, so he couldn't fix his hunger.

If it weren't so late in the month, he would easily buy himself lunch but as it was, he was already short on cash to pay rent, so he would have to save his next paycheck which would be paid on the thirty first. Then he'd have to pay rent on the first. So he was forced to make do with what he had at home for the next week and a half.

As he was finally leaving work, his now dry and too small clothes tucked under his arm, he thanked whatever god there was that he decided to get a tab at the bar he frequented, and had put money on it in the beginning of the month.

Which put him where he was now. Drooling on the familiar counter and beckoning the bartender for another drink.

Naruto thinks his name is Tim, and says so as he asks for the special today and thanks the man. The bartender's lips quirk in an amused grin, shaking his head slightly an answering with a good humored, "My name's actually Jim, so, close, and the drink's a little feminine but if you still want it…" The man trailed off as he saw the dullness in the blond's eyes.

The bartender shrugged and started on the drink, used to the unresponsiveness of some of the patrons. Plus he knew Naruto a little bit, so it was all good.

Naruto blinked slowly when he noticed the bartender was talking to another customer while making another drink. He yawned, stretching a bit and jumped a bit when a drink was gently placed in front of him.

"A- ah, thanks Tim." Naruto slurred, eyeing the red, pink and white drink weirdly.

Jim gave a snort, shaking his head, "No problem dude."

As Jim walked away, Naruto leaned to take a sip and hummed at the taste of peppermint. He picked up the girly drink and spun on his stool to observe the other people in the bar.

There weren't many people, maybe four, which made sense. His guess had been more or less on point as it was two fifteen in the morning. As he was drinking his drink, he almost choked as there was boisterous, obnoxious laughter that he could hear from outside.

Grumbling to himself, Naruto got up and made his way to a booth that was as far away as the counter as possible. He knew big groups like the one showing up, he knew it was a group because he could hear yelling on top of the laughter, went straight for the counter and drank themselves into stupors.

The drink he was half finished with was his last one, as he needed to not get plastered and go to work tomorrow morning. The only good thing was that work was starting later, so everyone could have the chance to spend the morning with their families.

At the thought of families, Naruto took a long sip from the decorated cup.

Feeling a little more sober than he was ten minutes ago, Naruto glanced at the drink again. It was probably the peppermint. That was good then, he wouldn't be stumbling too bad out the door.

He took a glance at the door, which was slammed open a minute later. The group was bigger than he previously thought, and to his surprise there was a few women among the group but the majority were male.

Naruto hummed thoughtfully, because while the bar wasn't specifically for homosexual men, it was typically known as a gay bar. Not many women, or people in general, stopped by very often. Naruto would bet his right hand that at least three of the group of twenty were gay.

He was correct with his thought earlier, as every single person in the group took a seat at the counter, some asking for drinks and some just speaking with each other. He eyes glossed over every single one of the seated men, skipping over the women. He eyed some guy who was heckling Tim, which was messed up. Naruto hoped Tim spits in that guy's drink.

Aside from the clear asshole, Naruto caught gaze with some dark haired dude.

Who was hot as hell.

Snorting to himself, Naruto broke eye contact first and glanced down the rest of the line of men. Turning back to the drink, he nodded to himself. At least four were definitely gay, including the guy he locked gazes with.

A few minutes after he hit the bottom of his drink, Naruto looked up when someone cleared their throat awkwardly. Blinking, he straightened when he recognized the black haired guy. The guy inclined his head stiffly, "Can I buy you drink?" He queried politely.

Naruto leaned back a little, oh this guy was hella gay, "That would be nice of you, thanks." He acquiesced, gesturing that the man could sit after he got drinks.

The man brightened minutely, giving Naruto the barest of smiles before turning and striding away. He was back quickly, holding two bottles of opened beers and Naruto mentally complained to himself. Beer was so bitter and weak, alcohol wise. Naruto had to drink four bottles to be even a little tipsy, compared to his usual starter of two shots of vodka.

As the bottles were set down, the man slid into the other booth seat silently. Naruto's eyebrows slid up a little, used to more small talk from flirters. Hell, Gaara talked more than this guy did.

As the silence continued, Naruto reached towards a beer and took a sip, only to almost spit it back out.

The beer was like, especially bitter. It was the cheap stuff.

Grinning awkwardly, Naruto set the beer back down and let his eyes awkwardly flick around. He could admit he would rather some asshole to hit on him rudely than let this keep going.

"What?"

The blond stared at the stranger who was smirking, "Can't handle your liquor?"

Offended, Naruto gaped at him openly before spitting, "I could drink you under the tablet man, don't even start a competition, it wouldn't even be one."

The man rolled his eyes and let his head rest on his palm, "I'm sure you could. Your facial expression told me the beer was perfectly fine."

His sarcastic comment made Naruto bristle, "For your information, I had knocked back two shots of vodka and a mug of whiskey before your group of misfits showed up."

An amused huff left the man's mouth, "Sure you did. What, did you have the bartender water it down? That's a waste of money."

The man earned himself a very annoyed look, and Naruto stood stubbornly, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki and I'm going to drink you into next year."

The man inclined his head again, though this time smirking confidently, "I am Sasuke Uchiha and I assure you, you will not, in fact, drink me into next year."

Naruto slammed his hands down on the table, getting into _Sasuke's_ face, "Wanna bet?"

Sasuke also stood, and started to make his way to the counter, "Sure. That's works."

Naruto grudgingly followed him, the shitty beer forgotten.

Sitting down next to Sasuke angrily, Naruto waved at Tim who was still being heckled by the same guy from earlier. Sasuke rolled his eyes from where he was sitting to Naruto's left, "Hidan," He called annoyed, "Knock it off."

There was a loud grumble, before the bartender skittered over to where they were. Jim sent Sasuke a grateful look and glanced at Naruto curiously, "Your strongest mix Tim, we're having a little competition here at the moment."

At the name mess up, again, Jim shook his head and smiled, "Coming right up Naruto. On your tab?"

Naruto was going to nod, before the man next to him, who Jim didn't know or had seen before, spoke up, "Put it on my brother's, Itachi Uchiha."

Jim bobbed his head, recognizing the name, and went to the back only to be back with two large cups full of a dark liquid. Setting them down, Jim grinned, "This is the strongest stuff he have in town, just a sip of this will have even an experienced drinker stumbling. Don't drink it too fast though, you can get real sick. This stuff's best drunk slowly."

As Jim walked away, Naruto glared at Sasuke before chugging the whole thing immediately. Sasuke looked like he desperately wanted to say something as Naruto quickly knocked the drink back, gaping in shock. ' _Maybe I shouldn't have baited this guy,'_ Sasuke thought morosely, ' _I'm so bad at flirting.'_

A slam of a cup, a squeak of a hiccup, and a victorious leer at a surprised Sasuke.

Before Sasuke could make his mouth say something, probably something the lines of, ' _Are you okay?',_ the man who was heckling Jim was hovering over them. Sasuke let out a low sigh, and stiffened when Hidan jabbed Naruto with a finger, hoping the blond wasn't an angry drunk.

"Oi, blondie, wha's your name."

Oh great, the moron was already drunk. Sasuke shook his head.

Naruto recoiled at the contact and glared angrily at Hidan, "Man, fuck you."

Blinking, Hidan grinned evilly, a fight had been found.

Sasuke, able to tell exactly what Hidan was thinking, stood up quickly. As he did, Naruto also did but not at all easily and had to lean against the counter. Full of anger, bitterness, and moderate sadness, Naruto was almost as eager as Hidan for the fight.

Amid his foggy mind, Naruto realized he was fucking gone and was probably not going to work tomorrow.

No words were said as Naruto and Hidan stared at each other, and other bar goers were also silent. Sasuke was cringing and was going to grab at Hidan and drag him away to beat the shit out of him himself before Naruto threw the first punch.

Shoulders dropping, Sasuke just stepped back and decided to let the idiots handle it themselves. He didn't know Naruto that well, but so far the guy was competitive, easy to rile, and seemed to be a very angry drunk.

The men fought, and to everyone else in the bar, the fight had seemingly come out of nowhere. However, it was started over the contact of the jab.

Naruto didn't like being touched, especially by people he didn't know. It was a pretty touchy subject to him. He had to consent any kind of touch, or at least anticipate it. He didn't do either this time.

The white haired dude crossed a line he didn't know was there, and was now being punished for it.

Naruto didn't get to come away unscathed though, when the fight was finally stopped by some big tan dude, who reached into the fight bravely and tore the opponent away by his white hair. As Naruto straightened, he wiped his nose and flexed his left hand, and now relaxed, gave a grin to the white haired dude.

He turned back to his seat and tipped over, his chin slamming loudly onto the wooden bar stool.

Groaning, he sat on the floor and looked up dizzily to follow the trail of the human who had stepped in front of him. A hand was also held out and he reflexively grabbed it, letting himself be pulled up.

Sasuke more or less held Naruto up, already knowing he'd have to take the man home. Sighing, he led a quiet moron to his car and Sasuke was glad he didn't drink the strong liquor that was given to them.

After positioning Naruto in the front seat, Sasuke walked around and sat in the driver's seat, not quite starting the car yet. He glanced at the gift bag tucked into the crook of his seat and glanced at Naruto, who was staring listlessly outside. As he was thinking, Sasuke reached over Naruto to open his glove compartment, retrieving a few napkins.

He handed them over to Naruto with a, "Don't get blood on the leather."

Naruto shrugged and held them to his nose.

Sasuke finally started the car, and quietly asked for home directions. Naruto answered, equally quiet and the car ride was mostly silent except for when Sasuke got to Naruto's street name sign.

He held the steering wheel with his left hand and handed Naruto the gift bag that was previously in his position. He felt the bag be gently tugged out of his fingers and explained, "I'm not one for sweets," He murmured, pinking, "So I just figured."

Though he couldn't see, Naruto turned pink as well and stayed silent before muttering a quick and embarrassed, "Thanks."

After another minute, "I like sweets," was added.

Sasuke nodded, most people did.

After Sasuke parked in the driveway of Naruto's small home, he went to get out to help but was waved off before he could open the door.

"Thanks for the ride Sasuke." Naruto said, sheepishly reaching to rub the back of his head, "Sorry you had to drive my sorry ass home."

Sasuke smiled, probably his biggest one in like three months, "No problem, and no worries, I didn't mind," He admitted, "Give me one second, I don't mean to keep you but let me grab something for you."

Naruto blinked curiously, and gave a glance to the small bag in his hand, "Uh,"

He got no reply at his confused grunt, but after a bit he was given a small slip of paper with string of numbers written on it. After reading it, Naruto looked at Sasuke who was staring purposely at Naruto's house.

"I'll visit you tomorrow, to make sure you don't die or something. You knocked back that drink hard and fast. I'll admit to being a little impressed."

If Naruto was a little more sober, he would have let out a happy whoop.

Grinning anyways, Naruto gave Sasuke a little wave and the man pulled out of the driveway with a final wave, driving back down the street.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Turns out, sober Naruto only slightly gets along with Sasuke moderately, mostly because of Sasuke's constant stream of sarcastic insults which sometimes flew past Naruto's head.

That was okay though, because despite the rocky start of meeting at a bar and not liking each other very much, mostly in Naruto's case. Sasuke stuck around anyways, because teasing the other man was really amusing and fun.

Eventually Sasuke managed to convince on a date, but not really a date, and sober Naruto started to slowly by slowly tolerate the teasing.

Following that, four years later saw Sasuke and Naruto as a married couple. While dating, Naruto almost physically fought Sasuke for proposing, as he had planned to the week after that, already had bought the ring and everything.

During the wedding, Sasuke had seeked out Hidan to invite him, thinking it'd be moderately amusing to see if they would fight again.

They did, but both were sober and laughing their asses off as they did so. Which Sasuke had to admit, was even better than the drunk fighting.

"Merry Christmas, asshole."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Welp, here's a story. It's not great because I'm not a great writer, but it was fun to write. It's rushed and not at all thought through but I wanted to upload it for shits and giggles lmao. There's a lot of blanks in this one-shot to be filled, and maybe one day I'll filled them but today is not that day lmao. Sorry for those who wanted a good story. XD I hope people enjoyed anyways.

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, and Happy Holidays to those who don't! :)

Word Count, (Not including AN): 2861


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